I swear I'm topical

Unfortunately, I still haven't listened to Yeezus, I eat my food before I have a chance to take a picture of it, and I'm trying to start more offbeat hobbies. I've noticed most adults love to ask other adults about their hobbies. I'm working on it.

So, now that you know the truth, here’s how I get my kicks: I’m a writer and a reader. I’m a big, bad, bridge-stopping environmentalist. I choose Katharine Hepburn over Audrey. I speak two languages, English and hyperbole.

The first ad I ever wrote was a catalog for mail order brides. I was seven years old, and I believe my work has come a long way since then. Hopefully you agree.